June 2015 – Yoga Pants Diary

June 29, 2015July 12, 2017

Bacon Milkshakes?!?

If you’re hoping to read today’s post and find out that it’s ok and healthy to drink a bacon milkshake, you’re clearly visiting for the first time. And clearly delusional. Welcome!

Now that I have met my goal weight, it is very easy to make poor eating decisions. I find myself ‘excusing’ a lot of bad choices because of my balance of fitness. While I never ‘fall off the wagon’ with my eating, there are definitely days where I could do better.

This weekend I was trying to make better and healthier decisions. Since it’s summer, my eating schedule is all wonky and I find myself eating fast food way more than usual. While I still feel like I make the best choice in that restaurant, I’d like to cut back. But there are SO MANY bad choices out there that it’s really hard. I know a lot of you are facing the same decisions.

Some decisions are easy for me: full size burger or jr. size, Large fry or small fry. Other decisions are harder: chili cheese fries? Lemonade???? (I said no to both) but this weekend at two different restaurants, I could not believe what they were serving. This whole bacon thing has gotten WAY out of hand. Do we need bacon on EVERYTHING?

Really Which Which? Now I love Which Which because they have lots of healthy options and you can get tons of different things. But……REALLY? Not only is this a BACON MILKSHAKE but the advertisement reads: Heaven Sent. Why? Because after you’re addicted to these you will be sent to heaven. I tried to find the nutritional information for this shake. I almost got a small strawberry shake there this weekend thinking it would be fine. I had already boxed for two hours that day. Now I’m so glad I didn’t! While I couldn’t find the info for the bacon shake, I did for the oreo shake, which I figured was just as deadly. A small oreo shake: 930 CALORIES. In a small. Yikes.

OMG ARBYS – Every once in a while, I love me some roast beef. So we headed to Arby’s where I usually will get a Jr. Cheddar and a small fry. It comes out to 480 calories and plenty of fat and gross additives. The sandwich pictured above has 600 calories, 28 grams of fat, and 860 mg of sodium. That’s with no fries or drink added. And it’s an entire sandwich of bacon. GROSS. I beg to differ Arbys, you CAN have too much bacon.

While some choices are still hard when I know my fitness will more than balance my intake, it’s NOT hard for me to say “NO!” to the above advertisements. Shame on you Which Which and Arbys. Shame!

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if these restaurants were encouraging us to eat healthier and more natural foods? More on that later…..

June 25, 2015June 25, 2015

Real Boxing

Often when I tell people I’m in boxing training, they think I’m doing kickboxing. Here’s what they envision:

While I actually like these types of classes, this is not what I’ve been doing. Kickboxing classes definitely have their place and are great calorie burners. I enjoyed them a lot when I was working on my endurance and agility.

Last night I was lucky enough to have TWO private sessions with my trainer but I was even luckier to have a friend at the gym who could take some video. I get photos of me boxing pretty frequently but I’ve never seen videos of myself. In a way I didn’t really want to watch them. But after I did, I really wanted to share them! I think I’m looking pretty good! It’s always hard to box and try to think about what you look like because you’re doing so many other things.

Here’s all the things I’m thinking about controlling in these videos:

1. Footwork

2. Stance

3. Forehead down

4. No eye contact

5. Full extension on my jab

6. Pivot Right hand

7. Pivot left hook

8. Proper placement

9. Proper speed

10. Proper power

11. Breathe

12. Cover your face

13. Slip

14. Don’t get hit

15. I hate Jameson

I’m sure there’s more that I forgot. But it’s the combination of every part working together that makes boxing what it is. Hope you enjoy!

June 23, 2015

If Only

Yesterday, I stumbled across this article in the LA Times:

Obese Americans now outnumber those who are merely overweight, study says

We have been expecting this to happen for sometime now and in certain age groups, it has. And I can’t believe how sad it is.

Now that I’ve ‘finished’ my weightloss journey, I continually have mixed feelings about it. It’s weird the emotional issues that still arise. But today I want to focus on the physical changes of losing weight, and forget about the mental ones. Physically, I consider my fitness journey complete. I am more than happy with my body’s image and abilities. I can do nearly everything I’ve ever wanted to do. I still set goals and find it fun to see how much farther I can push my body. Even though I haven’t stopped, I feel I’ve crossed the finish line physically.

The difference in what my body can do now is amazing. I’m not posting this to brag or seek compliments but to inspire those that are trying to start. When I was obese, the list of things that would exhaust me for the day was extensive: helping a friend move, doing laundry all day up two flights of stairs, shopping at multiple stores ……basically life was exhausting. Now I run around all day and do a million things and then still go to the gym. My energy level and ability to get things done is SO much higher.

I no longer worry about where my body can fit. I don’t spend an ounce of energy on chairs, restaurant seats, shopping aisles or public transport. I never worry about how far I park from the store or walking to meet up with a friend. I am going to a wedding shower this weekend and don’t have to worry about being ‘the fat friend’. I just fit in.

If anyone that is morbidly obese like I was could walk in my shoes for a day, they’d lose the weight. If anyone could feel the back-to-back difference of being morbidly obese to healthy weight, it would be all the motivation they needed. But, it’s the gradual decrease in weight and the very slow increase of fitness that derails most people in the dieting process. DON’T STOP.

Today’s post feels a little wander-y but my point is: IT’S TIME. It’s time to do something about it. Look around you and how your weight is effecting every part of your life. You’ve been telling yourself that it isn’t but take a good look. Today. Keep a list of all the things you change throughout your day because of your weight. Make a list of all the people you’re doing it for. Today is the day. Do it. NOW.

June 16, 2015

Rage Outs

On a weight loss journey, a lot of emotional issues may arise that you haven’t noticed before. While your emotions adjust, it can expose a lot of things. Even now that I’ve lost the weight, I continually struggle with the mental side. I’m going to go back and write about a problem I was having this past winter. At the time, I was too embarrassed about it to write about it publicly or properly. Now I think is the right time.

In October/November of 2014, I was experiencing what I called ‘Rage Outs’. Most of you might think you know what I’m talking about. Most women have less control over their emotions during ‘that time’ but this was much much worse. They usually happened at the gym, strangely enough, and on rare occasion at home. Something would happen that was out of my control. That was usually the trigger. When I’m not in control, I tend to freak out. But this would be over little, seemingly insignificant things. All of the sudden, I could feel my brain go red. I could see and feel myself getting so mad that I felt ‘out of my body.’ I know the ladies know the feeling when you can see and hear yourself being ridiculous, but you can’t do anything about it.

The ‘Rage Outs’ got way worse than just PMS. I would be OUT OF CONTROL. I would hit things, throw things, scream inside till I couldn’t breathe, want to hurt myself or someone else. They would usually last about 15 minutes and then I would be exhausted but clear-minded. It was like I was two people: The Hulk and Bruce Banner and one couldn’t control the other. At first I only got them every two or three weeks. Then I was having them every week. I was embarrassed to talk to my friends and family about it so I tried a couple different things that I thought would work. First I tried just separating myself from everyone when I was about to go red. This didn’t really help. It helped me not do it publicly, but the length and frequency didn’t decrease.

I decided something must be missing that used to fill me emotionally. This year I switched from being a music teacher to being a drama teacher. While I LOVE my job, I was really missing the music. I missed playing the piano and singing all day long. So I thought maybe I was missing my creative outlet. I asked Santa for a piano for Christmas thinking it would allow me to fill that creative hole. As soon as we got the piano I printed out all my favorite songs and played for hours. I made sure to play almost everyday for a little while. At first, I thought it was working. I went an extra week without having a rage out. However, come January, it started all over again just like before. The piano wasn’t working either.

And then it happened. The Rage Out that scared me to death. Dan and I were having a fight. I can’t recall what it was about but I’m pretty sure it was about dinner or doing the dishes. I ‘raged out’ quicker than I could control or even feel it. 0 to Hulk in 2 seconds flat. There was no time to separate myself or pause the fight before I’d already lost it. I took a swing at my own husband. I’ve never ever hit him or really even wanted to. But that night I did. Even though I didn’t hit him and caught myself at the last second, I was so embarrassed. Without any discussion, I grabbed my running shoes and headed for the park. I ran two crying, yelling, furious miles before I cooled down. When I got back home, I finally admitted what had been going on and that I didn’t know what to do.

Sometimes I think the universe or God or whatever you believe is in control knows better than you do. In January, the gym I was at got a new boxing trainer, Jameson Bostic. After our first or second class together, Jameson approached me about private training sessions. I’d never thought about taking boxing as my main fitness activity. I just liked mixing it in with everything else. I felt like I was a fighter on the inside or maybe in a past life because boxing was my favorite class all week. I was hoping that taking private sessions would help my rage outs and the hubby agreed we should give it a try.

And it worked.

Ever since my first private training session, I haven’t experienced a Rage Out. In the first month of training I could feel my mind try to take me to red but I had the control to bring myself back down before going off the edge. Now I don’t even feel myself getting to that place anymore. I think it’s for a few reasons. Boxing everyday, or close to it, gives me time when it’s ok to be out of control. It’s ok to get mad and punch and yell. If you don’t give it enough sass then you’re called a sissy and sent back to your spot. It gives me time to dig out that fighter side of me and let it loose. I was worried that boxing so often would make me want to box in my real life, like it would be the solution to any problem, but the opposite has happened. Because I do get that time to be out of control, I’m able to control my emotions outside of the ring so much better.

While it is still embarrassing to write about such a lack of control over my emotions, I’m hoping there’s someone out there that’s experienced the same thing. You CAN control your rage without medication or therapy. Try fitness!

June 9, 2015June 24, 2015

I Heart Boxing

I’ve now been taking private and semi-private boxing lessons for 6 months with Jameson Bostic and DaVarryl Williamson at PunchDenverBoxing. (Like them on Facebook Here!) I haven’t been writing about it much since my focus has been running. But I can absolutely, 100%, without-a-doubt say that I love it! Every athlete has a preferred sport and mine is definitely boxing. When I say that I’m in boxing training, people think that I’m doing kickboxing. This is not the case. There’s no Tae-bo or jump kicks. There’s no booty shaking or dance cardio mix. There’s only perfect technique and training. While running comes in a close second, my heart and mind are always excited to walk in to the boxing gym. You can read all about the health benefits of boxing: here. But I have to say, that’s only a small part of the reason why I love it.

Boxing classes go faster than any other type of class I’ve taken. At my gym, PunchDenverBoxing at Touch ‘Em Up, they hold semi-private sessions every night. A few times a week I also get a private lesson from my trainer, Jameson Bostic. Whether I’m working with a small group or by myself, the hour goes so quickly. Most of the time it goes so fast that I stay for a second class :). We start with exercises such as: running, pull ups, push ups, agility work, tricep dips, ab wheels, hula hooping and always plenty of sit ups. Each night is a little different. Sometimes we flip tires or do box jumps. It just depends on the night and the abilities of the group. Then we get into the punching. We usually work long combinations with mitts but sometimes do bag work or speed drills. No matter what, there’s always something to be doing or working on. There’s never time to just stand around and catch your breath. But after almost six months now, I feel very strong at boxing and can see how it’s bled over into my everyday life. Here’s my top four reasons for loving boxing:

1. I’m never perfect

In boxing there are so many things to think about: Block your face, elbows in, full extension, foot work, pivot, height……..My gym wants it perfect, every time. At first boxing made me feel totally inadequate. Today my punches aren’t fast enough, yesterday they were too high, tomorrow the will probably be too low. It’s hard for me not to be perfect. It’s hard to realize that even when you’re trying 150%, sometimes your body just can’t do what you’re telling it to do. But when you’re arms are tired and you’ve done this same combination 10 times already, hearing “Perfect” from your trainer is all worth it. When you hear the sound a good right hand makes on a mitt, you want to hear it over and over. Boxing teaches me that I can’t always be perfect. Things can go wrong at the last second but with training you can figure out how to improve on the mistake that you’ve made.

2. More than just punching

I also love that it isn’t just about punching. When using proper technique, boxing exercises your whole body. It takes a ton of control to punch with accuracy. There’s footwork, breathing, stance and eye contact to think about all outside of the punch you’re about to throw. Then there is the combination to remember and which punch to throw when. It’s an accumulation of so many muscles working together that the punch is just a small part of the equation.

3. Mind Control

It’s really hard to hear “Nope”, “Not good enough”, “How many times have I told you” and so on from your coach. Really hard. But it’s worth it to keep going to get the one “Perfect”. I like being motivated through yelling and being held to a standard no matter what. I don’t want a coach who accepts my ‘good enough’ attitude when I give it. I need to be pushed. Because I get this mental practice at the gym, I find it happens in my everyday life at work and at home. Some people might think that training to be a fighter makes you a fighter all the time. I’ve found the opposite to be true. Throughout the day I’m calmer. It’s easier for me to step outside a situation and see it for what it really is. My demeanor is overall calmer and less stressed because of boxing.

4. It’s freaking fun

Boxing makes you feel tough! I now walk around at night with no worries. I know that if a situation gets out of control, I can defend myself. Boxing is just fun! It’s fun for me to see a grown man wince from my punch in the ring. It’s awesome to get the loudest right hand of the night. It’s fun to watch fights on TV or live and actually know what’s going on. Boxing is the most fun sport I’ve ever done and I can see myself doing it for quite some time!

June 7, 2015

Goal-less……

Sorry for the lapse in posts but…..I haven’t felt like posting about anything. I’m feeling very lost and confused the past few weeks and I’ve been trying to sort it out all while finishing the school year. I’ve been in a funk every since finishing the race and I think I’ve narrowed down my problem to: Post Race Depression.

Post Race Depression

Post race depression is a real thing. After my first 5K, I felt like I could do anything. Each race after that has not been the same high. All through my training for the half marathon, I thought about what is was going to feel like to cross the finish line. I thought I would cry my eyes out. I thought I might collapse in an emotional mess. But….neither happened. I was overjoyed to cross the line but not because it felt like a huge milestone, because it meant the race was over! I already knew I could finish the race and had no doubts about crossing the line. I’d already run that distance and several other distances that I never thought I could do. So, even though I felt awesome and superhuman that day, it was also a relief to have it over with. And now I’m struggling.

I was thinking about training or actually training for the half marathon since around February. So for 4 months, that’s all I thought about. While I was continuing with boxing training, running came first. I had to watch what I did at boxing so it didn’t affect my running. I would even stay at the gym for double classes to keep my endurance up for the race. I would think about running when I got up and all through the day. When something stressed my out at work, I would store it away for when I ran. When I needed a minute to calm myself, I thought about running in the cool breeze on mile 8. It’s been both motivating and calming me for the few months.

And now the race is over.

I’ve run several times since the race but often find that I don’t really care or like it. Since there’s no long term goal, it’s harder to push myself. My pacing has stayed the same and the run still feels good but…..it feels like there’s no point. I DO NOT want to train for a full marathon so I feel like I’ve already met all my goals with running. I do have other small goals like running longer intervals and breaking the 30 minute mark in a 5K but these feel so attainable that they don’t really feel like goals anymore.

Every goal I have taken on with my health and fitness has felt insurmountable until I’ve done it. Losing 145 pounds? Done. 5 pull ups? Done. Running a 5K without stopping? Done. Running a half marathon? Done. Feeling fit? Done. Feeling like I fit in at the gym? Done. Wearing size 6 jeans? Done. Posting a freaking picture of me in a bathing suit? Done. Feeling beautiful and confident most of the time? Done. Maintaining my weight? Done.

So what do I do now? Every goal I can think to set feels attainable now. There’s very little that I can’t make my body and mind do. My body responds to whatever task I give it. It’s not that I’m trying to say that I’m so awesome and anything is easy now. It’s not. But I now have so much confidence in my ability as an athlete that any goal seems attainable. While this would bring a high to some people, I get the high after the accomplishment. Knowing that I could do anything isn’t enough for me.

So what now?