Sorry for the lapse in posts but…..I haven’t felt like posting about anything. I’m feeling very lost and confused the past few weeks and I’ve been trying to sort it out all while finishing the school year. I’ve been in a funk every since finishing the race and I think I’ve narrowed down my problem to: Post Race Depression.
Post Race Depression
Post race depression is a real thing. After my first 5K, I felt like I could do anything. Each race after that has not been the same high. All through my training for the half marathon, I thought about what is was going to feel like to cross the finish line. I thought I would cry my eyes out. I thought I might collapse in an emotional mess. But….neither happened. I was overjoyed to cross the line but not because it felt like a huge milestone, because it meant the race was over! I already knew I could finish the race and had no doubts about crossing the line. I’d already run that distance and several other distances that I never thought I could do. So, even though I felt awesome and superhuman that day, it was also a relief to have it over with. And now I’m struggling.
I was thinking about training or actually training for the half marathon since around February. So for 4 months, that’s all I thought about. While I was continuing with boxing training, running came first. I had to watch what I did at boxing so it didn’t affect my running. I would even stay at the gym for double classes to keep my endurance up for the race. I would think about running when I got up and all through the day. When something stressed my out at work, I would store it away for when I ran. When I needed a minute to calm myself, I thought about running in the cool breeze on mile 8. It’s been both motivating and calming me for the few months.
And now the race is over.
I’ve run several times since the race but often find that I don’t really care or like it. Since there’s no long term goal, it’s harder to push myself. My pacing has stayed the same and the run still feels good but…..it feels like there’s no point. I DO NOT want to train for a full marathon so I feel like I’ve already met all my goals with running. I do have other small goals like running longer intervals and breaking the 30 minute mark in a 5K but these feel so attainable that they don’t really feel like goals anymore.
Every goal I have taken on with my health and fitness has felt insurmountable until I’ve done it. Losing 145 pounds? Done. 5 pull ups? Done. Running a 5K without stopping? Done. Running a half marathon? Done. Feeling fit? Done. Feeling like I fit in at the gym? Done. Wearing size 6 jeans? Done. Posting a freaking picture of me in a bathing suit? Done. Feeling beautiful and confident most of the time? Done. Maintaining my weight? Done.
So what do I do now? Every goal I can think to set feels attainable now. There’s very little that I can’t make my body and mind do. My body responds to whatever task I give it. It’s not that I’m trying to say that I’m so awesome and anything is easy now. It’s not. But I now have so much confidence in my ability as an athlete that any goal seems attainable. While this would bring a high to some people, I get the high after the accomplishment. Knowing that I could do anything isn’t enough for me.
So what now?