Emotions – Page 6 – Yoga Pants Diary

April 12, 2015April 19, 2015

Things I’ve Learned about being a Runner #2

Well here I am 5 weeks out from the big race. Each day I get closer to feeling like a real runner and that I’ll be able to not only finish the race, but actually run it. I logged 18 miles on my sore legs this week and made it to boxing four times, with a full time job. I’d say my body and mind are holding up pretty well!

Things I learned this week about running

I see No One – While I am running the course, whatever course that may be, I don’t see hardly anyone. I probably pass nearly 30 people and countless cars when I run. I probably only notice 10% of what is around me. With that being said I ALWAYS notice the hot, fit men with their shirts off! 🙂 The beauty of this point is that I know hardly anyone is noticing me. If they are, it’s about a 5 second interaction and then I’m gone forever. I have yet to notice the same person on more than one of my runs.

Real Runners Walk – I have yet to have a discussion with a distance runner that doesn’t walk a least a little. I always thought people that could run over 5 miles run the entire distance. This is just not true. A lot of runners that I envy have admitted to a run/walk/run method. Every runner plays mind games like, I’ll run to that sign or I’ll run to end of the song. It’s ok to walk! You’ll notice as you are running that your recovery time should get better each time you run. I’m down to needing less than 30 seconds to recover my breathing.

There’s a Million Best Methods – Like with dieting, there are a million ways to get the job done. There are all sorts of running methods to achieve your ideal time and health injury free. There are a million different ways to fuel your body. I think the important lesson here is that you find something that works for you. If you don’t like the method you have chosen, pick something else! It’s ok to switch even mid training season. I’m still doing the Jeff Galloway Run/Walk/Run method and loving it.

I Might Always Be Nervous – To this day, before every workout or run, I still get nervous that I can’t do it. But what’s the worse that could happen? I’m two miles from the house and have to walk home? My body has yet to break down and refuse to go any further. As long as I can keep moving my legs, I’ll always make it back. I don’t know if this nervous feeling will ever go away. It leaves within the first few minutes of working out but I think it will always be there. Maybe it’s my inner fat girl still? Who knows, but I’m ok with this feeling.

I’m Always Disappointed in My Time – I try to consider my time while I run, but not let it change much of what I’m doing. By the time I get through the first mile, I’ve already settled into a speed and stride that is comfortable on that day. There are so many things that can effect your time. People on the course, temperature outside, hydration level and mental fatigue are all going to effect your run. Also, as I increase my distance, I often find it’s hard to pace myself correctly. How far is 10 miles really? If I’m in mile 5 now, how should I feel? The more I run the more my body knows the distance and how fast it can go. I know I’ll get the hang of this but for now, I’ll always be disappointed with my time and thought I could have gone a little faster. Maybe it’s just part of my personality too!

Weird Things Happen on Runs – Each run, something bizarre happens. I have run through an Easter egg hunt. I’ve been cat-called from the street and honked at. Yesterday I saw a full set of silverware on the side of the rode. Today we found a free frosty key tag and saw someone following a runner on a scooter while shouting “Faster!”. It just happens. It’s the beauty of life! Each day I try to take a picture of my run just to remember what I saw that day.

Runner’s Code – I’m really considering starting a Runner’s Code on my course. Sometimes when I pass people I want to put up my hand to high five them; just to say “I’m doing something sucky and so are you! High Five!” But……no one seems to want to do that! I could end up being the total weirdo of City Park, but it would be so nice to have support of fellow runners while you’re out. Who knows, maybe it will catch on?

April 11, 2015

The Need for Speed

This last week, several different situations hit me really hard emotionally. All three things were totally outside my control. My first reaction to each situation was to RUN.

In the past, when I was hit hard by life or dealt a bad hand, I would want to go home. I would want to hole myself up in my house and watch endless hours of crap TV. And of course with watching TV comes eating loads of crap. Crappy situation= Crap TV + Crap food. But this week, I was able to react much differently.

Thursday morning, I got some devastating news about a student. The first thing I wanted to do was run. Later that day, I found out I didn’t get a job position I wanted. Now my feet were practically dancing to get out of there. All day I knew I had boxing class ahead of me and a 4 mile run. So I was able to compartmentalize (well….not totally but much better than in the past) and make my body and mind wait until the appropriate time for an outlet. Not that it was easy but I was really proud of my response.

This is how I know I’m becoming a legit runner. Running now allows me to zone out, be at peace and move! So when life is too noisy, I find the quiet in running. Boxing and Running are now my happy place, instead of in front of a TV, shoveling cheese doodles into my face. I’m now realizing, in the past, to feel like I got control, I would just be more out of control. To deal with a huge amount of stress or grief, I would let my eating get out of control and my laziness. That doesn’t even make any sense! But I thought it made me feel better. I didn’t ever realize that I was just creating a never ending cycle.

Now, my instinct is to better myself by controlling my body and mind and it feels SO much better. After I got back from my run, I got the news that my second hometown had been hit by a tornado, leaving several of my past students homeless. Instead of the news ramping me back up to where I felt out of control, I was able to absorb the news a lot better, make phone calls and really look at the situation objectively. While I was hurting from three sources of devastating news, I was able to keep going and not crawl into a hole like I usually would because I had already had that meditation time.

I feel like this last few of my posts have been total DUH moments. These are all reasons that I’ve heard why other people run. There has been nothing I’ve written lately that I haven’t heard before. But the difference is now I’m actually experiencing it. I hear runners say “the zone”, “I can’t wait to run”, “I love to run” all the time but I never actually believed it was true. I guess it’s just one of those things you have to figure out for yourself.

Today: 5-6 Mile run.

Tomorrow: 7+ Miles, Post: Things I’ve Learned Running #2

April 4, 2015

My Running Zone

This week I started my running training. It has been both disheartening and exhilarating!

Firstly, I’ve decided not to go with the running schedule that I posted. I talked to a few runners I know and they all didn’t agree with it. John, a trainer at the gym, suggested the Jeff Galloway method to me. So I dove in to see what it is all about. Jeff Galloway believes in a Run-Walk-Run method to get to your target running pace. You pick how fast you want to run your miles and then follow his plan. You can read about it here.

I gotta say, I was sold when I found out I could walk! I’ve never envisioned being able to run the whole half marathon without walking. My goal is to cross the finish line knowing I gave everything I had. I don’t even really care about my time as long as I’m true to myself. So on Thursday, I set out for a run. I had just read about the Galloway method that morning and decided I would just run and see what happens. Maybe I can run longer intervals than I think?

Training Day 1 – 4 miles

When I woke up, it was cold and raining. I had already told myself that I didn’t HAVE to go while still laying in bed. However, I gathered my will power and put my shoes on. I headed down the 5K course and actually stayed on the right path this time! I ran 10:30 minute miles and stopped a lot. Took pictures…..looked around…..lollygagged. I couldn’t get myself to fall into the runner’s zone for more than a minute or two. I noticed every person that ran by me and every car that passed. After 3 miles, I ended up at the light across from my apartment building. The sun came out! As I was standing and waiting for the walk light to turn, I said to myself, “You’re not dead. You can go for another.” So I did. I ended up running 4 miles even though I only planned to run for 3.

After I got back, I felt strong and not totally dead. But when I thought back on HOW I ran, I was disappointed. I felt like I walked a lot even though I really didn’t know how much of it. I was ok with my times but devastated with my focus.

What Goes Through My Head While I Run:

“Is that goose looking at me?”

“My (blank) hurts.” (Insert ANY part of the body)

“Where did she get those shoes?”

“That guy was hot.”

“Oooo. A cloud.”

“I think that dog was giving me the stink eye.”

“Holy wedgie.”

“I hate this song.”

“God I hate running.”

“Why am I doing this to myself?”

So my first day running without the Galloway method was ok but not great. I got a good feel for how I naturally run……..which is very distracted.

Training Day 2 – 6 miles

Because I had run the course two days before, I knew exactly what to expect on today’s run. I set out knowing that I would have to run the 5K course…….twice. Today, I was going at it with a little different approach. After reading more about the Galloway method, I figured I would give it a try. It makes a lot of sense. Also, in boxing, everything is timed. I usually work at 2 minute rounds with 30 second rest. While looking at the Galloway chart, I adjusted the times a little and chose my own interval. I wanted to do 3 minute runs with 30 second rests. Why? Because if I’m consistently running for 3 minutes with rest, boxing intervals will seem shorter being only two minutes. And I know I can recover my breathing in 30 seconds and don’t need a full minute. IT WAS MAGIC.

My brain is already programmed to working at intervals from boxing. I never thought to use it for running. DUH. Today was the first day I ever visited THE RUNNER’S ZONE. I have been struggling with this for some time. I’ve even begun to think I’ll never be able to run the marathon like I want to. I want to run it focused and determined and not be thinking about geese or pedestrians or self doubt. So today I ran three apps during my run:

MapMyRun – For distance GPS tracking

Pandora – Who knew I’d love Eminem when I run?

RoundTimer – Totally customizable to how long you want your intervals

AND IT TOTALLY WORKED. Instead of worrying about how much farther I should run before I walk, instead of thinking about how bad I want to walk, instead of thinking about how long I’ve already run, I just ran. I set my timer to three minute runs with a 30 second warning and then a 30 second rest. I was able to zone out so much better just because I didn’t have to worry about when to walk. My music just told me. A knock for the warning, buzzer to walk, and a ding to start. For my brain, this was a magic cure. I’m already used to strict focus, activity and expectations for short intervals. It was like the timer gave me permission to walk. I wasn’t even strict about it. Once or twice I ran through the rest. Once or twice I rested an extra 15-20 seconds. After the first lap, I was more than ready for the second. I knew I could do it even though I’ve never run 6 miles before.

It was also easier for me to understand how much work I had left to do. I started to struggle at mile 5 because my feet were hurting (More on that tomorrow!) but then I started thinking…….3 rounds to a mile…..2 miles left…..that’s only 6 rounds! How many times have I gone 6 rounds with Jameson and didn’t die? How many times did I think I didn’t have another round in me, but I did? How many times have I been much more worn out than this and kept fighting? 6 rounds? I got this.

Today was the first day that I know I can do the marathon. Not just cross the finish line. Not just hope for the best. Today is the first day that I know I’ll be proud of how I ran. 6 weeks to go!

Favorite New Running Anthem: Eminem – Till I Collapse

March 30, 2015

Fitness Magazine – I Did It

This week is SPRING BREAK! So you can expect to see small posts throughout the week since I actually have the time!

Today I sat down and finally wrote my application for Fitness Magazine. I get this magazine and always love reading the “I Did It” section. I have to say though, I read it very judgementally! Usually, I’ve lost a lot more weight than the people they feature. It’s like my gossip column.

So this week, I’m actually submitting my story. Who knows? Maybe they will pick me! I’m constantly looking for more ways to share my story and inspire others. So please feel free to pass my info to anyone and everyone!

If any morbidly obese person could feel like I do for just one day, they would lose the weight. Sometimes I wish I could put the weight back on for just one day to be able to feel the change back to back. So until you can read MY story in the magazine (fingers crossed!) drop over to their website to read others’ stories. Fitness Magazine – I Did It

March 6, 2015

Boxing with DaVarryl

Well it finally happened. I cried during a workout. I have teared up, wanted to cry and sucked up a tear before but I’ve never full out cried. Last night was that night.

I arrived at the gym to train with Jameson right after work. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Jameson was unable to make it. So the owner, DaVarryl Williamson absorbed me into his small class. For those who don’t box or are new to the idea of a trainer, every trainer is different. The exact same workout with two different trainers can look and feel drastically different. Each trainer has their own style, has different expectations and demands. I was immediately nervous and anxious not knowing what I was in store for.

He put us on cardio machines, which are all ‘conveniently’ stuck on the highest resistance and intensity possible. Then we wrapped up our hands and did exercises. After about a million sit ups and pull ups, he had us get in the ring. I was feeling pretty intimidated already because I couldn’t do the same amount or intensity as the others in class. But I’m pretty comfortable in the ring after a few training sessions with Jameson and was thinking to myself, “I got this.” I soooo did not.

DaVarryl started calling out combination numbers that I wasn’t used to. It was like Russian to me. Even after watching the other three in class go first, I couldn’t get it right. The others in class would whisper what I was supposed to do, I’d practice and then still go up and get it wrong. The workout was within my fitness level but I felt like I couldn’t do it. I got more and more frustrated with myself. I felt like everyone was watching me fail. DaVarryl was very patient with me while still demanding I meet expectations. Even when I turned my back on him, which you are NEVER supposed to do, he didn’t let me quit. Even when I was crying, he pushed me to do more because he knew I could. The workout was killer and I think I sweat a whole gallon. But I cried……….Twice.

I didn’t cry because the work was too hard. I didn’t cry because I wanted to quit or DaVarryl hurt my feelings. I didn’t cry because of the pain. I cried because I felt fat again.

I am not very good at “going with the flow”. (Shocker to all that know me, I know!) I walk into the gym with a certain mindset for what I’m about to do. Whenever it doesn’t go as planned, I get frustrated and anxious. So when I couldn’t do what everyone else could do, I felt like I was at the bottom of the class. It’s been a long time since I felt like I was the worst in any class. I kept thinking everyone else was thinking, “What the hell is she doing here?” “She’s holding up class.” “She’s not fit enough to keep up.” “She’s clearly a beginner.” “She can’t do it.”

Now, a day later, I can see the workout more clearly. I was the one thinking that. Who cares what everyone was thinking? The others in class were really helpful. The girl next to me even said, “It’s okay. You’re doing great! Most people have a hard time their first time. Most people puke.” I immediately wanted to punch her in the face because what I heard was “You can’t do this.” Last night I felt like I was fat and uncoordinated all over again. I felt frustrated with my body when it was really my mind holding me back. I was blaming the circumstance when I should have just focused. I need to stop putting myself in a box where failure equals not being awesome at everything. I SHOULD have really enjoyed the workout with an awesome boxer and teacher, but instead I let me mind take me to a place where I ended up hating it.

Last night showed me, yet again, how much work I still have left to do emotionally.

February 27, 2015

Hungry vs. Hangry vs. Starving

Now that I am changing my fitness routine, I need to change my eating routine. In order to be a boxer, I need to eat like one. I’ve been taking boxing for a few weeks now and mixing it with my normal routine. I was expecting for my body to feel the adjustment and it definitely has. However, I wasn’t expecting it to effect my eating habits and it did.

So let’s look at the difference. Is being hungry ok? What is hangry? How will I know if I’m starving myself and not just dieting?

Hungry

It took me a long time at the beginning of my weight loss to understand hunger. I don’t think I’d been hungry for YEARS. I was overeating so often that one meal just ran into the next before I could begin to feel hungry. Now when I think about, I feel like I was stuffed for years. I didn’t even remember what feeling hungry really was. One of my first rules when I started dieting, is that I’d always wait to get hungry before the next meal or snack. This took a while to be routine, but now I just always do it. I try to listen to my body and let it tell me when it’s time. Now, I don’t like to eat if I’m not hungry.

If you are at the beginning of your weight loss, I encourage you to really listen to you body. How does it feel to be hungry? How much food makes you not hungry? What is the balance? If you’re not hungry before the next meal/snack, you’ve eaten too much at the last meal. Train your body to eat at the right times based on how much you’ve eaten.

Hangry

There is such a thing as TOO hungry. When you’re hunger is effecting your mental state, you’re too hungry . Try to eat within a half hour of getting hungry at least. When I have gone too long without eating, I get HANGRY. At this point, I’m so hungry, I’m willing to do almost anything to get food. Included: push old ladies out of the way, punch a puppy, throw myself down and cry, eat the 6 month old circus peanut floating around the bottom of my bag….etc. I usually get hangry when something else is out of control. Sometimes you have to wait longer than expected at a meeting, get caught socializing with someone…..so on. I try to not get to the ‘hangry stage’ if at all possible.

Not everyone gets Hangry. I do. Some people start to get sleepy. Others start to lose focus. If you are too hungry, it will start to effect your mental state. Do not do this to yourself. Eat as soon as possible. The people around you will thank you.

Starving

Sorry for the above picture. I want to rip this sign down and punch that girl the the face. The truth is YOU CAN BE TOO SKINNY. Also, you can starve yourself without being skinny. It is NEVER ok to skip a meal, eat way less or see how long you can go without eating. Never. I find the above photo repulsive.

What I really mean here is you could be starving yourself without realizing it. Make sure you have set your calorie goals with doctors advice or at least lots of research. You could be starving yourself without even knowing it.

What your stomach says when you’re not eating enough

“Hey. I need some food down here. Hey! Ok. Well if you’re not going to give me what I want, I’m going to hold on to every calorie I possibly can because I don’t know when I’m getting any more. I hate you. ”

What your stomach says when you’re eating enough

“Yo. Send me some food. Hey thanks! I only need this, and this, oh and that! I don’t need the rest of this and I know I’m getting more in 3 hours so….out you go!”

I’ve heard the phrase “I eat so well and just can’t lose any weight” over and over. This IS NOT true. Something is wrong. Either you’re eating too much or it’s possible you’re eating too little. A friend of mine got frustrated after not losing much weight after several months. We have the exact same fitness routine and I was melting away while she stayed the same. So we talked about her diet. She is a vegetarian and thought she was eating enough. I told her to start using My Fitness Pal to see what the app thought she should be eating. She found that she was eating way less than she should for her level of activity. After one week, she dropped three pounds. She was starving herself without knowing it.

Next Post: A Boxer’s Life – Sunday

February 18, 2015

Weight Loss Timeline

I have been wanting to do a photographic timeline of my weight loss since I hit my goal weight back in September. Now I’m glad I waited. After hitting my goal weight, it’s hard to feel my body changing. A lower number always meant I did the right thing and made the right choices. However, putting this timeline together shows me how much I’m STILL changing after hitting the magic number.

The more I look at the old photos of me, the more I can’t hate her. There’s so much of her that’s still with me today. In a lots of ways, I still feel just like her. There are days I feel no better than that person. It just happens. So I can’t hate her because she will always well….be me!

On the other hand, I am so clearly NOT that person any more. But it isn’t because I lost the weight. It isn’t because I counted calories. It definitely isn’t because I logged hours at the gym. It’s because I changed on the inside. I became independent. I made new friends and had new experiences. It’s because I DID something with my life.

I’ve been struggling with something to measure for a while now. I think I just need to relax and enjoy where I am. I don’t mean relax at the gym or with my fitness level because I just truly love it now. I mean mentally. I think I am still putting way too much mental thought into this whollllllllllle thing.

Today I feel awesome. I feel like I kicked my obesity’s ass. Take a look!

February 17, 2015February 17, 2015

Photos Don’t Lie

This week I have been collecting a lot of old and new photos to make a timeline of my weight loss. It has been surprisingly difficult. Photos of my body at my heaviest weight, DO NOT EXIST. I feel like I keep using the same 5 pictures of examples of how heavy I was over and over. So I spent a few hours going through old photos both digital and in print. Now I have maybe 10. All the photos I can find, only show my face. The reason for this is obvious. I didn’t want people to see it! It’s bad enough to have to walk around in a body like that but seeing it in a concrete photo makes it even worse.

There are definitely times when, even when I was huge, I felt beautiful and sexy. Here’s an example! Then: While this wasn’t my actual Wedding Day, this is a day that I felt beautiful. I felt sexy and confident in my wedding dress. This was a great day and I think the smile on my face shows it all.

Now: When I look at this photo now, I still think I look beautiful. I do think I look huge in my size 22 wedding dress but all my happiness outshines my size. True love really does conquer all, even making you look past how heavy I am.

However, my beautiful and confident days were few and far between. Here’s another example:

Then: This is a hot summer day in Las Vegas on my Honeymoon. I had bought new clothes just for the Las Vegas sun. I remember wanting to feel cute in this photo and being totally grossed about about my belly. I think I might have even cried right there on the Las Vegas Strip. Is that what I really looked like? Photos don’t lie and I wanted this photo to lie sooooo bad.

Now: Gross. Fat. Unhappy. This should have been another photo where my smile and happiness distract you from how I look, but it doesn’t. I was uncomfortable with how I looked that day and you can tell.

The beautiful and gross days still continue to this day. There are days I feel confident, sexy and ready to take on the world. This is how I feel most days now. BUT I do still have days that I feel gross and unattractive. Even after losing the weight, some days I feel fat. Even after losing the weight, there are things I don’t like about my body. Even after losing the weight, I’m still not always happy.

Here’s an example: Then: I remember feeling gross this day. This was the weekend I hit my goal weight. Even though I should have been over the moon, I just wasn’t. I wasn’t confident about how I looked and I was feeling really weird about the whole thing.

Now: Get over yourself. To everyone else, this picture is totally normal.

But there ARE days I feel SUPER hot. Then: I feel cute today. Let’s take some pics!

Now: Look at all that extra skin. Gross

People think losing weight just makes all your other problems go away. Thin=Happy right?

Sexy=No gross days right?

Confidence=Never feeling fat right?

No! To most people these last two photos probably look the same, but how I was feeling in both photos is totally different. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR VISION.

The farther I get from my heaviest weight, the fatter I think I was. It’s so easy to lie to yourself and tell yourself it’s not that bad. It’s so easy to think, ‘it’s just a bad photo’. Bad photos exist and I think the lens that you view photos through depends on how you were feeling at that time. But photos can not lie. That is how you looked at that moment no matter what. It’s your emotions that change the way the photo seems.

January 26, 2015March 29, 2015

Nikki

This post is to one of my closest friends, cheerleader, support person and overall badass: Nikki. Happy Birthday Girl!

In May of 2013, I told Nikki I was going to try to start eating healthier and that I wanted to lose maybe 50 pounds. When you’re morbidly obese, everyone knows you talking about dieting every now and then and tell those around you you’re going to try. The response from most is just a passing “ok” with the added feeling of “yeah right” behind it. But Nikki didn’t make me feel this way. Right away she offered advice as she was naturally a better eater than I was. She would comment that my pants were getting loose even when I didn’t believe her myself.

That’s the number one thing I love about Nikki: No Judgement. Ever. I never feel judged by her or looked down upon. She is one of the best people I’ve ever met.

Over that summer I lost 30 – 40 pounds and returned to work in the fall. Nikki and I didn’t see each other much that summer since we both travel, work and enjoy every last second of our summers. When we got back to work, she jumped on the band wagon. We started having ‘pot luck style’ lunches where we and a few friends would bring different things for lunches that week. She would force me to try new things that I didn’t even know I liked. Where would I be without her encouraging me to eat hummus or black bean burgers? My life would be so sad! We would check in and talk about our weight and what sucked that week. Since we were under the same stress it was really easy to counsel each other.

That January I joined my gym. She joined too! They were running a groupon so she bought one and would come workout with me in the beginning. She quickly found that my gym wasn’t her style, but since we had started together, I could always talk to her about what was going on at the gym. She started running, biking and 5k training while I worked on strength and cardio. That spring, we both got new jobs.

We still make it a point to get together and we still check in about our weight and how things are going. We love to go to a local vegetarian restaurant where she turned me on to THE BEST bean and quinoa burger EVER. We’ve ran a 5K together and are running a 7K together in March. She constantly reminds me how much of an inspiration I am for her, but she’s just as big for me.

Nikki is an amazing Mom. When I’m at her house, I hope to be the kind of parent that she is. Not only is she finding time for herself and her health, but she models those healthy choices for her son Will and her hubby. She’s also an amazing teacher and advocate for her students. She’s involved with galleries all over town and is often looking for charities and causes to support. So while Nikki thinks I’m the support for her, it’s really the other way around! I think you’re amazing in everything you do. So the HAPPIEST of birthdays to my kick-ass friend. You go girl!

January 25, 2015March 29, 2015

A New Yardstick

Lately the switch from losing weight to maintenance has been really difficult. I’ve been feeling less sexy, confident and proud of what I’ve accomplished. THIS IS NOT a ploy to get tons of compliments of how good I look in this post’s comments. It’s just the truth. My hubby and I were discussing it last night and he helped me figure out part of it.

I’m addicted to the numbers on the scale.

I would get excited every morning to get on the scale. I’d step on and see the lower number I was hoping to see and I would feel PROUD. I’d fist pump the air and think about how awesome I was. This would be the height of most days. Seeing your hard work pay off is such an emotional high!

Now when I get on the scale in the morning, I’m hoping to see the same number. I keep coming back to this. I know I should see the same number. The doctor told me not to lose more weight. I am actually NOT wanting to see it go down. So I get on and think, great, I ate enough yesterday. No fist pump. No rush of awesomeness. Just……ok good.

So much of my ‘awesomeness factor’ was tied to seeing the number go down. I thought I wasn’t so bad or addicted to the numbers, but now that I don’t have them, I’m feeling lost. It’s the easiest way to measure your health and fitness right? If the number goes down, you made the right choices. What do I measure by now? My abilities in fitness change so slowly that over time it’s hard to feel like you’re getting better. It could take me another 6 months to be able to meet my pull up goal. It’s too cold to hike my first 14er or start marathon training.

I know in the spring it will be a lot easier to measure my fitness when I’m training for a half marathon. I will be able to literally measure how far I can run. Right now though……I feel lost. I know it should be a great relief to not be buying new pants every month and have met my goal weight. But I just……don’t. I don’t think I need to lose more weight and I’m really happy with my fitness level……..what’s my new yardstick?