Emotions – Page 7 – Yoga Pants Diary

January 23, 2015January 23, 2015

I don’t vs. I can’t

Ah….the end of January. We are finally getting through what I think is one of the most obnoxious months of the year. Everywhere you go and everywhere you look right now there are motivational signs. “The New You!” “Meet your Goals!” “Miracle Pill”……blah blah blah. I do think this is an awesome time to start new things and set new goals, I just don’t want it crammed down my throat everywhere I go. Also….the lists……… Every facebook post, article, and recommended ad link is a list. 10 ways to use coconut oil, 15 diets to try, 27.3 breakfast recipes, The top ten pairs of underwear from 2014……….yuck.

A few weeks back, my aunt posted one of these lists on Facebook and I’m so glad she did. After reading it, one of the points has stuck with me and I keep returning to it. Here’s the full article, yes it’s another list: 15 Phrases that Will Change Your Life in 2015. I have to admit, when I read the title I threw up in my mouth a little. Change my life? Really. I clicked anyway and so should you. After reading the first one, I kept reading and ended up loving this list. While I found the whole list to be helpful and inspiring, #8 has stuck with me for weeks now. Here’s a blurb:

After reading this article, I found that this is something I naturally did throughout my weight loss. “I don’t” feels so much better than “I can’t.”

“I can’t” implies, I should be able to but I’m too fat and gross. I’m not normal like you…….

“I don’t” implies, I’m choosing not to for my health, and gross, you shouldn’t either!

Start paying attention to the language you use around food. Saying “I don’t” can be really empowering especially for your brain. Studies show the more you say “I don’t” vs “I can’t” the easier it is to say no and stay on track. I say “I don’t eat that” a lot, especially around my students. I even think there’s a tad of judgement when saying “I don’t”. When a student offers me hot cheetos I say, “I don’t eat those because…….” and I think it makes them think twice about eating them too. If I say, “I can’t eat those” then it implies that I want to eat them, I just can’t and I can honestly say, I never want to eat hot cheetos!

My I Don’t List

Here’s a list of foods that I just don’t eat. Some are hard and others are easy.

I don’t eat doughnuts. They are too sugary and I threw up the last time I had one which was over a year ago. My body rejects them they are so awful.

I don’t eat regular chips. I do eat baked chips when craving salty snacks but I avoid regular chips at all costs. Especially hot cheetos.

I don’t drink regular soda. I’m hoping to get to a point where I don’t drink ANY soda at all but for now, this is my mantra.

I don’t eat sides of bread or a whole bun. Whenever I get a roll or biscuit, I just don’t eat it. If I’m having a full sandwich, I cut out half the bread. It’s just habit now.

I don’t drink beer. I don’t really enjoy beer and it has soooo many calories so I have a low cal cocktail instead.

I don’t skip the gym. In the past year I have ‘skipped’ less than 5 times. I’m not talking about missing a day for a meeting. I’m talking about days I need to spend more time at home or I’m feeling overwhelmed by deadlines. When I tell myself I’m going, I’m going.

Even if you’re not saying “I don’t” yet, create a list of what you’d like to be able to say “I don’t” to. Maybe it’s a goal list but at least it’s something to work for. Try to cut out “I can’t” as much as possible in all areas of life.

January 20, 2015January 20, 2015

Off Track……

Ever since the holidays, starting a few weeks before Christmas until now, I feel like I just can’t quite get it back.

In September, I hit my goal weight. Ever since then even…..I feel like I’m just not quite figuring it out. September, October and even most of November I was struggling. Once I hit my goal weight, I had trouble not losing more weight for about 6 weeks. Then, I finally figured out how to eat based on my amount of exercise and maintain the same number on the scale. This lasted for about a month and then the holidays hit………

While I don’t feel like I ‘fell off the wagon’ these past two months, I just can’t quite get back to my eating schedule. Between having time off and sweets galore every other day, things have gotten mucky. I felt like I had to loosen my purse strings after hitting my goal weight and then maintain. It was fine to have a sweet treat or big meal now and then but now things are getting hard.

After the holidays, I went on a two week candy and sweets detox. I ate so much that I had avoided that I’m starting to crave it again. I find my thoughts wandering to chocolate and fried things…….. not good. I’ve also been missing my snacks between meals. At first, my metabolism kept up no problem. (NAUGHTY METABOLISM!) This is both a blessing and a curse. When your metabolism ‘forgives’ a sweet treat now and then, it’s easy to get out of control. Suddenly I thought I could drink alcohol, eat fried appetizers and have dessert every weekend. Which then creeps in to weekdays…….

Needless to say, I finally saw the scale going up. I’m still under goal weight but I’m not at the magical number I like to see. I could just put it to the back of my mind and think, “So what? At least I’m still under goal weight.” But for me it needs to be a red flag. I know I could easily fall back into my old habits. I don’t fear gaining all my weight back, but I want to keep up the healthy choices that have gotten me to this weight. It’s always been about being healthy for me, not getting skinny. So I need to make sure that I keep that at the front of my mind.

So today, I ate perfect. I counted my calories and watched my sugar. I’m hoping to drop the two pounds that added up over the last two months but then maintain healthily! I thought I had it but I’m still figuring it out. Also, this last two months have been a great reminder that no matter how I look on the outside, I’ll always be a fat girl on the inside. I’ll always want to eat more than I should. I’ll always want to eat the whole chocolate cake. Maybe I always will but I’m recognizing it and trying my best to make peace with those demons and keep trucking on!

January 14, 2015

Half Their Size

This year, I could NOT WAIT for the “Half Their Size” issue of People to come out. I see it every year. This is the first year I actually read it!

Every year I see the magazine. Two years ago here’s what would run through my head:

“HALF my weight? Yeah right! That’s like…….150 pounds. I could NEVER lose 150 pounds. Those people must have started at like 400 pounds! There’s NO way that could ever be me. Who does that? No one.”

This year:

“Bah! She only lost 115 pounds. I lost more than that! She wasn’t even that heavy to begin with! He lost under a 100? Why is he in the magazine?”

So two years ago I could not even imagine what it would be like to lose even 50 pounds. This year, I’m laughing at the people in the magazine and wishing I’d applied!

There were several stories within the magazine that I enjoyed or hit a note with me. I found myself agreeing or finding common ground with almost everyone of them. If you are on your journey now, I would greatly recommend picking up a copy. It’s always good to hear about other people’s journeys.

There was a lot of buzz when the edition came out around the language they use. There’s actually a petition you can sign to ask People to stop using the terms “No Surgery, No Gimmicks”. Supporters of this petition suggest that weight loss surgery should not be considered a gimmick or that those who have it should be ashamed or considered ‘less than’ those that don’t. So, what do you think? Is weight loss surgery a ‘quick fix’? Is it a cop out? I’ll let you ponder on that for a few days before giving you my thoughts……..Comments!!!!!!

January 11, 2015

The Black Sea of Diet Books

Yesterday I was at Barnes and Nobel and I was overwhelmed by the New Years Resolution theme they have going on right now. Every single table is covered in cook books, diet books, self help books and ‘new you’ books. Everywhere you look there are phrases like “The New You” and “The Tools You Need” and “Your Best Year Yet”. Here’s an example of one side of one of the tables:

I was looking for a particular health book, and found it completely overwhelming to find it. So even when I knew what book I wanted, I couldn’t find what I needed. I started to think of some of you or someone wanting to start a journey, I would have been so overwhelmed by the choices that I probably would have walked out empty handed. I ended up not finding the book I was there for but instead found a hilarious book on running.

Anyway, I wanted to offer some advice when trying to find a new book about dieting or fitness.

You Don’t Need More Than One – Don’t buy five different books about five different diets that are just going to confuse you. If you want to check out a bunch, check your library first and narrow down your options. I ended up buying ZERO books for my journey. After checking some out from the library, I realized I knew what I needed to do and wanted to set my own rules. It helped me realize I didn’t want to follow a plan.
Set Your Goal First – Even before starting to choose a diet plan (if you need one) you need to consider your goals first. Some diets are not appropriate for long distance runners. Others are not for anyone not ready for fitness. Some diets help with lean muscle others help with cardio conditioning. If you know where you want to go, it’s easier to narrow down the diet plans that can get you there.
Stay Positive! – While you are scanning books, if you are thinking to yourself, “I could never do this”, then DON’T BUY IT! Find one that you’re excited about or a set of recipes that looks delicious. If you start your journey thinking about how hard it’s going to be, you’ll probably give up. There are different plans for everyone based on how fast you want to lose your weight, how much fitness you’ll be doing and how much time you’re going to dedicate to it. Find one that fits you because there are hundreds and there’s a good fit for whatever you’re looking for.

When I look at that picture above, here’s what I see: A lot of books claiming to all have the secret. (Other than the super hot Chris Powell!) The real truth behind diet books is……………THEY ALL WORK. Each one claims to give you the results you need because each one can. There is no one true diet plan. Every single one of these plans will give you some sort of results. However, it’s your choice and within your power to decide which is best FOR YOU.

There is one book that I would highly recommend and my original reason for going to B & N. I never shop there because I try to shop local but I knew Tattered Cover didn’t have a copy. This is the only diet book that I will probably ever recommend to all who are on a weightloss journey:

Diet Cults is written by Fitness and Nutrition Writer, Matt Fitzgerald. He takes you through several diets that we’ve all heard of: Weight Watchers, Paleo, Atkins…..and so on and explains why each isn’t any better than the other. Matt is an extreme endurance runner and suggests a much simpler way of eating that doesn’t require so many rules. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Even if you are following a plan because that’s what works for you, I still think it’s worth reading!

Wow. I feel like I’ve rambled in this post so let’s recap:

DO NOT walk into a bookstore to get a health related book without knowing what you are generally going to get right now. They are really overwhelming.
IF you think you need a diet plan with rules, choose one not fifty. If you’re unsure, go to the library instead.
All diet plans work. If you put in the work, you’ll get results.
Not everyone needs a diet plan. Don’t be afraid to create your own!

December 28, 2014December 28, 2014

I’m 30.

Well it’s finally here. A day that I hoped would never come but I always knew it would; today I turn 30. While there is a giant list of things I was hoping/wishing to do before I hit 30, I’m choosing to focus on all the things I DID accomplish before 30.

Of course I did all the things you’re supposed to do: married the man of my dreams, moved away, went to college, started a career…… but of course what I’m most proud of is that I got healthy and fit.

I was expecting to wake up and feel older than I did yesterday. I know it’s silly but you expect to FEEL different. Well this morning I woke up with all kinds of pops and aches. For a brief second I thought I was ‘feeling my age’ and 30 had arrived to schmack me in the face! Then I remembered yesterday’s workout which was brutal and definitely the reason I’m sore today.

While there are thousands of things I wish I could have done before hitting 30, I’m SO glad I decided to take care of my health. How many people, women especially, can wake up on their 30th birthday the happiest and healthiest they have ever been? I can do things now that I never thought I could do.

I have run two 5K’s.

I attend the gym 4 times away without question and have melted my body fat down to 19%!

I lost 130 pounds for crying out loud.

Most women are hoping to get back into their wedding dress someday.

I’m hoping mine never fits again.

Most women lie on their driver’s license.

Mine is 30 pounds over my actual weight.

Some women are still looking for the love of their life and I already have mine.

So although I’m sad to be in a new decade and say goodbye to the last year, at least I’m the best I’ve ever been! 29 was the best year of my life and I still have many milestones to go. So to repeat what I have said before, (I feel like a broken record lately but apparently someone out there needs to hear it, because I keep needing to say it!) DO IT NOW. Do it for yourself and DO IT NOW. The time is going to pass anyway. I had to turn 30 regardless of how I looked, felt or thought about it. 30 came quicker than I thought it would and I’m so glad I made the commitment a year and half ago to do something about my health. Your next milestone is coming, don’t you want to be the best you’ve ever been?

Here’s to another amazing year!

December 24, 2014

The Best Christmas Present Ever

This year I have been shocked by the generosity of family and friends for Christmastime. I keep finding myself wishing I was able to give more or do more for those around me. It hit me just yesterday that I’ve already given all those I love the best present I could have: my life.

My biggest reason for losing weight was to extend my life expectancy. I know I say this all the time, but I want more time on this earth with all the people I love. So this year for Christmas, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. While you can’t wrap it with a bow or put it in a stocking, I know my family recognizes my weight loss as not only for me but for them too.

Losing weight can often feel selfish. I hear this all the time, especially from women who have children. Losing weight takes time and energy away from other areas of life. I won’t pretend that it doesn’t. However, learning to be selfish for your own health is a great lesson to learn. Everyone in your life deserves the best version of you possible. This goes for all areas of life, including health. So this year, if you’re short on cash or just want to give the best present EVER, make a commitment to those around you to get healthy, whatever this may mean for you.

Remember, if you are already on your own journey, you can’t force those around you. This year I sent out business cards in my Christmas cards for this very blog. I realized later that this may have been offensive to some. I was trying to boost the views and get more support for those that are looking for advice. But, I realized later that maybe some people thought I was sending them a backhanded clue. But, then I realized I didn’t care. Maybe if it offended someone, they will think twice about getting on this site. You can’t force someone else down the path to health. They have to decide for themselves. But if you’re ready to start reaching out to others, just let them know you are there for support if they are ever needing it.

So for all of those that thought maybe their gift from me was a little light, that’s because it’s filled with years of extra life and time to spend with you! Merry Christmas Everyone!

December 23, 2014

The Ghost of Christmas Past

For the last 6 years, the hubby and I always try to take a holiday photo. We have them arranged by year in matching frames on our bookcase. This year I couldn’t wait to get our photo and put it in line next to the others. Here’s the last three years:

2012

2013

2014

Obviously, there are huge differences in my weight. I’m just guessing here but I think,

2012: 290 pounds.

2013: 215 pounds.

2014: 160 pounds.

But there are other differences too. In all the photos from 2012 and before, they never show my body. The photos are always ‘selfie style’ before it was cool. One year I’m not even in the photo and it’s just Dan and the dog.

I could not wait to take this year’s photo. Ever since we moved to Colorado we’ve been sending a photo inside our card just to check in with non-Facebook family. When I look back at these three photos especially, I have mixed feelings.

I still believe I’m beautiful in all three of these photos. I remember feeling beautiful, sexy and confident in all of them. They all have wonderful memories attached and I still feel that joy in my heart when I see them. But as I stood and watched the progression after framing this year’s photo, I felt very sad too. I feel like I don’t even recognize that person anymore. Does that mean she’s gone?

I hope I have kept all the parts of that person that I loved and just changed what I didn’t. There’s so much I hated about that body but loved about the person inside. So in some ways I LOVE our holiday photo this year. I think I look hot, sexy and fit! But I hope you can still see my spirit underneath. Merry Christmas everyone!

December 10, 2014

Struggling…….

Hey All! I know it’s been a while since I last posted. My excuses for this are: Thanksgiving, work stress, laziness and a general feeling of blah. Not good excuses, but excuses none the less.

How did everyone do over the holidays? I am proud to say, even with all my worrying, I did not gain any weight over Thanksgiving! I was probably more careful than necessary but I was proud to get through the holiday without the ‘overstuffed for three days’ feeling this year!

But, emotionally I’m really struggling. I am still trying to figure out this transition from LOSING WEIGHT to having LOST THE WEIGHT. I have now been maintaining for three months. I thought it would be a breeze and that emotionally, I was ‘done’ trying to figure things out. But I’m not.

The high of getting healthy and the constant compliments are starting to wear off. People still tell me pretty often how good I look but it doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore. I don’t feel like I need to hear it to keep going or store it in my compliment bank for when I’m feeling down. Now it just feels like………well yeah, I did lose the weight.

I am also struggling with not seeing the scale go down. EVERYONE, including my doctor, have told me I look great, I’m healthy and I shouldn’t lose more weight. I too believe this. I feel like physically I can do everything I’ve always wanted to do and now I’m just picking new goals for my body for fun. I’m happy with my new pants size and love buying new clothes again. BUT I still feel disappointed when I get on the scale. I should want to cheer everyday when I see the same number. But in the back of my mind, I’m secretly hoping to see it go down. But why? Am I just addicted to the numbers? I’m not sure but I still feel it. I’ve been under my goal weight of 165 since the day I hit it. I try to stay around 160 because that’s where I’m mentally comfortable. But, when I see the scale at 162, I feel like I have to do everything I can to get back down. WHY?

I am a highly anxious person. I obsess and worry about anything and everything to the point where it isn’t healthy sometimes. (Thanks Dad!) My weight and health were always a huge worry in the back of my mind. Now that worry is gone and I find myself searching for other things to worry about instead. Will I ever figure out how to just be happy, confident and enjoy life? Has anyone? I feel like there have always been huge pieces of my life to worry about: health, finances and location. Now I’m healthy, our finances are stable and we love where we live. What do I do now?

So today I’m writing with no profound wisdom, no suggestions or tips, only to say, I still don’t have it figured out and maybe I never will.

November 25, 2014November 25, 2014

Thinner Thanksgiving #3

Thinner Thanksgiving Tip #3: Laugh…A LOT!!!!

Today we are on the less seriously side of Thanksgiving. While I do think it’s important to keep calories, activity and portions in check on Thanksgiving, it’s also…..THANKSGIVING! It’s a holiday meant to be spent with family, friends and loved ones. Today is a great day to kind of forget about your serious dieting and see how you’re naturally eating. Just keep it in check.

Time spent with loved ones can be just as rejuvenating and good for your health as a quick stop at the gym. It’s a holiday, give yourself some wiggle room and just enjoy the day. I am concerned about my ability to let it go and focus on the fun of the holiday. This isn’t my first thanksgiving in my new lifestyle, but I’m still worried that I won’t be able to let the food aspect go. I’m going to try my hardest!

There’s definitely something to be said about your mindset on Thanksgiving. I have to say, I’m nervous. I’ve been super careful in all the days leading up to Thanksgiving just to give myself some wiggle room. Have you ever heard that statistic that “People gain between 5 and 10 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday?” I’ve hear it all the time but I was curious whether that’s actually true. First, what time frame are we talking about? So I looked it up.

Here’s what I found: I read several different sites on this and it is only true for the extremely glutinous! In a few studies there were extreme outliers that did gain upwards of five pounds. However, the actual average is a pound or two. Here’s two of the sites I read:

CNN Mental Floss

So here’s the point of today’s post: Celebrate and Laugh. Try to enjoy your holiday without focusing on every single morsel of food. Fill your plate with what you know you can have and just let it go. Enjoy the time for what it is: Giving Thanks.

Here’s visual of what laughter can do for you!

PS – Don’t forget to thank all of those around you that are helping you on your journey. I myself have a few cards and bottles of wine that I’ll be giving out!

November 11, 2014November 12, 2014

Skinny Bitches

****WARNING: I will be using the B-word in this post. Sorry. I will use it as little as possible for those of you concerned.

I guess it’s time to bring up one of the most thought about issues by fat girls everywhere: Skinny Bitches. Now that I’ve dropped the weight and gotten fit, I am often the said B-yotch in the situation. Not always. There is usually someone in the room that is thinner or obviously much better looking. I live in Colorado now where we grow our men mountain-strong and women glow from 300 days of sunlight. However, in the right room with the right people, I am that girl.

Now that I write this blog and have made fitness and health such a huge part of my life, I often talk about it with people. By people I mean…….(well I am my Mother’s child and I live in Colorado where people actually talk to each other) people I meet at the store, at the gym, at school, at restaurants and so on. Pretty much anywhere you can imagine. So I have met all kinds of people that are losing weight, need to lose weight, don’t need to lose weight, are worried about their weight, aren’t worried about it, SHOULD be worried about it…….it’s endless. But one consistent thing I still CAN’T believe is how often a “skinny bitch” is just as worried about their weight as I am. I have met ALL kinds of women and let me tell you, I can’t believe how many of these women work a lot harder than you would ever think that they do. Women that don’t worry about their weight are rare! We all think that no one thinks about it as much as we do. We think we are the only one to ever think “I’m the ugliest person in the world.” But the truth is, it’s the people that never have that are rare. It’s this weirdness that actually makes us normal.

So yes, Skinny Bitches do exist. I have met a few in the wild but they are extremely rare. These women just have naturally good eating habits and have never really had a weight problem and haven’t had to think about it. However, the ‘normal’ woman, from what I’ve met, think about weight all the time. They do think about having a salad now so they can have a steak later. You see them having drinks because they ran 3 miles before work. You might see me every otherish Friday with my friend Kelley sharing a plate of green chili and cheese tater tots at a local neighborhood tavern because I go to the gym five times a week. (I’m just saying it might happen) Just because you don’t know about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Another Truth is when you are as obese as I was, you wear your weight problem on the outside. Everyone can see you have a weight problem. However, a lot of ‘skinny bitches’ have weight problems too. They have recovering problems. Or reoccurring problems, Or making sure it doesn’t become a problem. It’s the same for almost everyone. Even though I’ve reached my goal weight I don’t think I have conquered my weight problem. I joked with my doctor: “I did it. I reached my goal weight. I’m done now.” and she said “Well I guess you can go then!” BUT another truth is I’ll never stop having a weight problem. Maybe after 10 years? 15? Who knows……..