These past few days and weeks I’ve had a lot of new people asking me about my health, diet and fitness. While it feels super awesome to inspire others and lend and ear, it has gotten me thinking a lot about my identity.
My Obese Identity
When I was morbidly obese, I always knew I was ‘the fat one’. I didn’t want this to be true but it was either way I look at it. What I mean is, how would your friends fill in this sentence:
“Oh you’ve met her, she’s the ______ we had dinner with the other night…..”
When filling in that sentence for me, undoubtedly that blank would be filled with FAT ONE. And who could blame anyone? My obesity was tied up in my identity. I’ve said this many times on this site but I’ll say it again: Being obese is like carrying the thing to hate most about yourself on the outside where everyone can see it. I do think there are other things that could have filled that blank when I was obese like: the music teacher. But that’s my job, which I love, not who I am. I didn’t want to be known for being the fat one OR for just being a music teacher. Being “THE FAT ONE” was never my true identity but I thought it was at the time.
My Identity Now
I know that this sentence is much much different for me now. There’s so much emotional work that goes along with changing what you look like. One thing I wasn’t prepared for on my journey, was how others would respond to me. I’ve changed my identity in society. Everyone puts everyone in boxes all day long. I’m slotted into a much different box of stereotypes now than I was before. This is both good and bad. BUT I’m so proud of the things that I would fill that sentence with about myself now:
runner, fit girl, boxer, ninja, crazy person……
People still assume things about me all day long. When I was obese people automatically think: lazy, slow, unambitious, early death. (Which were all true) Now I think people think: Health freak, gym rat, nutrition nerd, runner (which are all kinda true too…..) The point is, I’m ok with my identity in society now. If someone thinks I’m too muscley, I’ll take that EVERYDAY over being half way to a heart attack. If someone assumes I spend 10 hours a days at the gym because of how I look, I’m ok with that stereotype too. I didn’t just change the way I look on the outside and the way I feel on the inside. I changed who I am to the entire world. Pretty freakin cool.
Miss Kim
How sad but true that our society puts these labels on us. Therefore, causing most to have to dig deep to discover and be confident in who we are. I am proud to call you a friend for so many other reasons than your transformed body! (Which I think is an amazing feat you have accomplished by the way). Your are a kind, thoughtful person. I’m sure you have made an impact on more people’s lives than you know!
You are beautiful inside and out!
Thank YOU Pam! You’ve helped me so much on my journey! Other people don’t realize how much they give me in return. I’ll never forget the first time you said at the gym, “Have you seen you?”
I try to live my life in a way that I proud of who I am in all areas but we all struggle. I’ll never be perfect at a lot of things but I’m pretty damn proud of who I am now too!
It’s very hard and weird to see yourself put in this hierarchy of boxes as you go through a transformation like mine. You can literally see yourself changing in the world’s view. It’s really bizarre.
You’re that and a whole lot more. You’re funny, caring, intelligent, talented, beautiful,, soft-hearted, and you’re a reader, deep thinker, an artist, wonderful daughter (friend, Aunt, sister, granddaughter, wife), a great influence and super fun to be around. I could go on and on….. its a pleasure to know and love you! ; )