Scalpel Please

Its finally Friday which means: Announcement Time!

On November 18th, I’ll be having my abdominal skin removal surgery! !! !!! !!!! !!!!!

I’m sharing my photos today because it’s time I really let everyone know.  I hide my extra skin really well I think.   I’ve gotten a few looks when I’m announcing it to people because sometimes they don’t really think I need it.  But let’s be clear.  I carried my weight in my abdomen mostly.  I thought I had nice legs even back then and my arms have shrunk back to almost normal.  Surgery is now my only option to fix what I’ve done to my body. So I’m going for it.  Here goes nothing.

This photos are for those hoping to lose weight, have lost weight or are thinking about skin surgery.  NOT to show how hot I am, get sympathy comments and especially NO haters. Don’t like it? Keep scrolling or feel free to unsubscribe!

 

So everyone’s first question is: How are you feeling about it? Honestly? Equally excited and terrified.  Skin removal surgery is something that I have always wanted in the end.  There was a small time when I thought maybe I should keep the skin to remind me of who I used to be.  But over time the skin has become more and more of an actual medical issue.  Back in April of 2017 I went for my original consultation.  At the consultation I was cleared for surgery having lost enough weight and kept it off. Also, my doctor agreed it would be covered by insurance since my skin hangs below the pubic bone.  And……that’s as far as I ever went. I only wanted to know if I COULD get it removed, but I wasn’t ready.

Over the next year, I tried to get over it. In so many ways, the surgery feels like a bad idea. It’s going to cost me quite a bit of money. I’m going to have to miss work.  I’m having ‘elective’ surgery and putting my body through unnecessary trauma.  I’m putting a lot of extra stress on my husband through my recovery weeks.  I won’t be able to run or exercise for 6-8 weeks.  These were all the reasons that ping ponged around my brain and made me not even find out the answers to most of the questions I did have about the surgery.

This September, I went back to the doctor.  I had been listening to a few of my clients that were struggling to pull the trigger on a few things out of fear. I kept bringing it up, across many conversations, that I was scared to know how much it was going to cost and what the recovery would be, so I never went back. After bringing it up for about a month, I made an appointment.  And then I cancelled it because I was ‘too busy’. Two weeks later, I finally went because my friend had scheduled her mammogram (which she was also scared about) and we were meeting for coffee after. I didn’t look up the procedure ahead of time because I didn’t want to expect the doctor to say one thing, and he’d say another.

My plastic surgeon, Dr. Royal Gerow has been practicing for just under 30 years. Since he wears horn rimmed glasses and argyle ties, I felt comfortable immediately.  Dr. Gerow drew me diagrams and explained everything about the procedure before evaluating me once again, to make sure nothing had changed in the last 2.5 years. When he asked me if I had any more questions, I asked about the cost knowing he probably couldn’t give me much information. He gave me the number to call insurance and all the verbage I would need to ask how much the procedure would be through our insurance.  Then he asked me how soon I’d want to do the procedure and I mentioned maybe holiday time depending on how much it was going to cost. I figured missing work (2 weeks) near the holidays would result in the least amount of income lost.

I left feeling…….weird. I cried for a little bit, panicked for a little bit and then gathered myself and went to coffee.  The whole time I just thought about the phone number in my wallet and how soon I could get home to call. When I got home, the first thing I did was NOT call.  I stared at it for a while. Took the dog for the walk. Came back and I couldn’t wait another minute. I had to know. I called and gave all the information and waited on hold.  And waited. And waited.  It was probably 90 seconds but felt like 10 minutes.  When she came back on the line she said, “Well Kim, since this is an outpatient procedure you’ll need to pay your outpatient copay of $100.” I nearly died.  I had her repeat it so many times she was giggling. I got off the phone and texted about 10 people.

When I called to schedule the surgery, I was expecting to get a date a few months out nearest to Christmas as I could.  After much discussion and scheduling conflicts, I had to take the date of November 18th.  I cried almost the whole time I was on the phone with the nurse and forgot a lot of what she said after that.  I felt completely overwhelmed by fear, anxiety and excitement.  I sat in my car in the parking lot for about 15 minutes and just cried. It took me a while to figure out the emotion: relief.

Getting my skin removal surgery will do so much for my body. It will help my posture, make my clothes fit properly, make exercising easier, and allow better hygiene as I age and lose mobility. But it means so much more than that. It’s the last step.  It is the final part of erasing my past and who I used to be.  When people meet me, they rarely know about my weight loss unless I tell them.  Now it will be my secret alone. In a lot of ways, ever since losing the weight, there’s been this big “but ……..” lingering in the back of my mind.  I lost 160 lbs, but I still don’t run in a sports bra unless it’s 100 degrees outside. I totally changed my body composition but I still seem like I carry extra fluff in my midsection from skin. I feel 10 Xs more confident about myself and my body but only in clothes.   I feel like a prize on my husbands arm now but not in the bedroom.  Having my surgery will complete my journey, but it will never cure my original disease. Letting the skin go won’t change any part of who I used to be or who I am now but it might help change who I’m becoming. I’ve still got a whole future ahead of me!